First Raise Since 1991
In a stunning turn of events at the Utah State Legislature session, the wages for food server workers have been catapulted from $2.13 per hour to $7.25 per hour. The reason? A rather curious mishap involving the forgetfulness of an intern from the Utah Restaurant Association led to the Utah State Legislature raising food service workers wages out of spite.
How This Bipartisan Decision Come To Fruition
It all began innocently enough during the festive season when the Utah Restaurant Association traditionally sends out Christmas cards to the esteemed house representatives and senators. However, this year, the association’s intern forgot a crucial element in the holiday cheer: the inclusion of gift cards to fancy restaurants. The Utah House Of Representatives and The Utah Senate was not amused and took retaliatory action against the lobbyist group.
Something Stinks
The hangry Utah State Legislature is used to being non-alcoholic wined and dined during the session, but lunch room at the Utah State Capitol now reeks of tuna fish, pb & js, ramen noodles and microwave burritos. No Red Lobster, no Ruth Chris and no Olive Garden this year. The politicians were forced to pack lunches just like their struggling constituents.
No Hotdog Meat For Romney
Gift cards we’re also not sent to our congressional members and a very dissapointed Mitt Romney was counting on some Wienerschnitzel for some premium hot dog meat.
MEMEs Flood The Internet
Local MEME page Utah Satire chimed in to call out the corruption.
Politicians Express Their Anger
Senator Bush, renowned for his disdain towards lobbyists, was quick to seize the opportunity to deliver a scathing remark. “These lobbyists need to know their place,” he bellowed from his high horse. “They seem to have forgotten the basic tenets of how this institution operates.”Echoing Senator Bush’s sentiment, House Representative Wang chimed in, his monocle gleaming in the chamber’s dim light. “Utah State Legislature wants compensation before Representation,” he declared with an air of superiority. “We’ll continue to cater to lobbyists and special interest groups, but only after the cater to us. It’s only fair, isn’t it?” But it was Senator Vye Agra who delivered the most cutting remark of them all. “We had to send a clear message to lobbyists,” she asserted, her voice dripping with contempt. “We needed to make an example out of them. What better way to do so than by raising the wages of of the worker and not the coperate restaurant chains?”
A Win For The Working Class
And so, in a bizarre twist of fate, the humble food server workers found themselves at the center of a political spectacle, their wages inflated not out of genuine concern for their well-being, but as a consequence of a clerical error and the inflated egos of Utah’s legislators.As the dust settles and the lobbyists scurry to make amends, one can’t help but wonder: is this the dawn of a new era in Utah politics, where compensation precedes representation, and gift cards hold more sway than the voice of the people? Only time will tell in the curious world of Utah State Legislature.
Utleg Predicts The Next Raise
The Utah House Democrats and Republicans both agreed that $7.25 per hour is a generous, living wage, and feel they won’t have to raise it again for another 42 1/2 years.
Parody/Satire